Wow sure took me foeva to get around to writin dis down [and I must say after that first thought... that I've apparently been practicin da pidgin too much lately since thats just how my thoughts came out] (I'll try to use proper english for the rest of this).
Well all and all things have been good and I've been meaning to get this down for a while now.
Even the frustrations with things I've been able to see are more clear... I used to always think 'God gave us a brain for a reason... 'I need to figure this shit out'. But more and more I'm believing(seeing) that I need to hurry up and use my brain and heart to make the best decision I can (and try to be mindful of His will) but 'do' and He'll be able to use whatever I give Him (and that in His wisdom He sees all our mistakes as beautiful)... and I don't need to be so stressed about getting everything right that i don't make a decision and act, I'm living more relaxed... in that sense anyway.
I have so much to be grateful for, even though from ten years ago very little is how I thought it would be. I thought I'd be married by the time I was 22-25... I'm 28 and the closest I came was heart broken at 25. I though I was invincible and God would never let me be hurt... but I've felt physically blighted since my accident 3 and a half years ago and oh that made the heart broken part harder to deal with, but finally feel like both those chapters are done. I thought I'd be a daddy by now... and don't even have a girlfriend. I thought I'd have a career by 25-27.... and based on my brain since my accident I'm not sure I can hold a full time job. This list could go on line after line.... the point is nothing is how I thought it would turn out when I put all my effort into 'is it right?', I'm feeling a lot less stressed these days and am just more willing to DO without such stringent thoughts as 'is this exactly what He wants me doing with my life?', and trust that I'll still get where He wants me to end up!
I just got a netbook that is so freakin cute (cause it's tiny and blue.... yes I'm a man! and yes I think it's ohkay to label my shit as cute! when it is.) and am excited about that, especially since I'm running linux on it and am getting to learn that!!
I'm still a tiny bit wrapped up in what does He want me doing... as I look toward next year. I'm considering supernatural school of ministry either in Mammoth Lakes or Redding (school for stretching and expanding your spiritual gifts [prophetic visions & words, healing, etc.] and being more observant of how God speaks to you as well as growing and acquiring other ways for listening to Him). I'm also considering Kauai for a year (hence workin on da pidgin dat I have lately) just being a bum and learning to surf and doing odd jobs and finding a church there to serve. On the third hand maybe seeing if I can work for my old boss and rent his spare room or find another place up north of seattle... to see if I'm as good, not as good, or better than I was three years ago(since I trust his analyses and honor his opinion above almost anybody else I know.)
I was at Lighthouse's global summit in Mammoth a few weeks ago and it was epic!!! I walked away feeling like such a tool... in a good way (ya know for God). I saw so many things and received so much conformation about some things. I was truly encouraged and stretched by it.
I'm excited about all I've seen the past few years and all I've learned through it, and I'm excited about the next few years... and what that will bring to light, teaching me new revelations about Him (hopefully a ministry to be at for a while (semi long term anyway) and a ministry partner (so that we might be each others helpers) will both be on that list).
I'm just so happy to be happy, to be realizing it and to be living it!
No comments:
Post a Comment